You know you’re a korfballer when you have…
- a prearranged speech you give when someone asks you “what is korfball?”
- seen very average looking men succeed with women well out of their league because they have a nice veer.
- realised it doesn’t matter how athletic, strong and fast you are. You will never get in the team ahead of the fatty that can shoot.
- got confused because someone on a night out shouts ‘party’ .
- become far to excited because someone joins your club and says “I have played before”.
- the sad realisation that if you were as good at a real sport you would probably be paid/famous.
- explained the cutting rule more times than you have had sex.
- told the new player who is very tall to just stand near the post.
- paid extortionate rates for shoes because you were assured they are “made for korfball”.
- wanted to throw the ball at the head of the douchebag jumping across the halfway line.
- chronic joint pain.
- (for girls) stood in loads of space while watching two guys who think they are globe trotters ignore you completely.
- kept checking EKA website to see if your goals have been updated.
- seen someone on a korfball forum proclaim that ‘we need a long term strategy and must develop youth korfball’ like they are the first person ever to come up with this genius plan.
- shouted ‘don’t foul’ as someone takes a running in shot.
- drank in a rugby club after a summer tournament and felt all the rugby players judging your ‘controlled contact’ sport.
- looked at someone like they have murdered your family when they shouted ‘I see you’ and didn’t switch.
- tried to explain to a basketballer why they should shoot two handed only to have them score more in their first session than you have all year.
- laughed at a former netballer giving 3ft of distance to the player with the ball.
- felt guilty for exploiting a new player who didn’t know how to run the block.
- felt your heart sink when the name of the player you’re markings starts with ‘Van’.
- gone back to playing basketball and got annoyed when someone just takes the ball out of your hand.
- felt like christmas has come early when you play on a court with actual korfball markings.
- been devastated when you best player leaves to go to university.
- realised that you can be the worst player in Wales and still be within the top 100 in country.
By Will Hayward. @whungparliament