You know you’re a korfballer when you have…

  1. a prearranged speech you give when someone asks you “what is korfball?”
  2. seen very average looking men succeed with women well out of their league because they have a nice veer.
  3. realised it doesn’t matter how athletic, strong and fast you are. You will never get in the team ahead of the fatty that can shoot.
  4. got confused because someone on a night out shouts ‘party’ .
  5. become far to excited because someone joins your club and says “I have played before”.
  6. the sad realisation that if you were as good at a real sport you would probably be paid/famous.
  7. explained the cutting rule more times than you have had sex.
  8. told the new player who is very tall to just stand near the post.
  9. paid extortionate rates for shoes because you were assured they are “made for korfball”.
  10. wanted to throw the ball at the head of the douchebag jumping across the halfway line.
  11. chronic joint pain.
  12. (for girls) stood in loads of space while watching two guys who think they are globe trotters ignore you completely.
  13. kept checking EKA website to see if your goals have been updated.
  14. seen someone on a korfball forum proclaim that ‘we need a long term strategy and must develop youth korfball’ like they are the first person ever to come up with this genius plan.
  15. shouted ‘don’t foul’ as someone takes a running in shot.
  16. drank in a rugby club after a summer tournament and felt all the rugby players judging your ‘controlled contact’ sport.
  17. looked at someone like they have murdered your family when they shouted ‘I see you’ and didn’t switch.
  18. tried to explain to a basketballer why they should shoot two handed only to have them score more in their first session than you have all year.
  19. laughed at a former netballer giving 3ft of distance to the player with the ball.
  20. felt guilty for exploiting a new player who didn’t know how to run the block.
  21. felt your heart sink when the name of the player you’re markings starts with ‘Van’.
  22. gone back to playing basketball and got annoyed when someone just takes the ball out of your hand.
  23. felt like christmas has come early when you play on a court with actual korfball markings.
  24. been devastated when you best player leaves to go to university.
  25. realised that you can be the worst player in Wales and still be within the top 100 in country.

By Will Hayward. @whungparliament

wellhungparliament.wordpress.com

Written by Will Hayward

Journalist based in the UK

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